You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
