He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
