fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
