foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
