And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
