Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
