Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize