Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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