My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ketchup is God's man juice
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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