I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
