seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
