you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize