bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
