He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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