sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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