fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
