So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
