dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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