i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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