if i can run in heels then i can drive
Your dad touched me again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
