Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
