drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize