sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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