Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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