who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
