I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
