on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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