i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
