So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize