I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
