she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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