I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
