my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
they need to just BURY HIM!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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