I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
