the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
