so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
