Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
