I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
