we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
the liver wants what the liver wants
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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