So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The air was thick with penises
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
