Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
