What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The air taste purple.
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