Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
