I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
