You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
