how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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