This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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