redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
