I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
