Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
