In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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