I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
