nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
