I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
