Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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