Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
