I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
