He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
