the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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