I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
