New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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