the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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