He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
whose ass print is on the piano?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
