is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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