Your dad touched me again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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