im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
