Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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