if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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