drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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