It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
