So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
