im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
