I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
