I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
