ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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