Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize