either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
