I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
