The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
