just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
