I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found a bag of teeth...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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